Aborted Women: In Their Own Words

If I had to do it over

by Tina B.
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I would like to share my abortion story with you. It happened 11 years ago, when I was 33, but it stays fresh in my mind because of the guilt and grief I still feel over it. My husband and I were legally separated at the time, and I was seeing someone else. I got pregnant by this man and then, of course, he dumped me.

My husband wanted to reconcile and said he would raise the baby as his own. But that was not to be. You see, the baby I was carrying was bi-racial: I am white and the father was black. The more my husband thought about it, the more he felt he couldn't deal with how his family would react to a bi-racial child. So he and his sister convinced me that abortion would be the right thing to do and would solve the "problem".

So, on Dec. 21, 1989 I went to the clinic and had the abortion done. It was awful! I can still hear the sound of that awful suction machine. I still have nightmares about it sometimes. I shouldn't have done it. And I am Catholic so that made it very hard. I have confessed my abortion and I am reconciled with the church. I know God has forgiven me ... I just can't seem to forgive myself. I am in therapy now.

If I had it to do over ... I wouldn't do it. I would stand my ground with my husband and try to get him to accept the baby. Now I just feel empty. If you are thinking about an abortion, please think long and hard. You can't undo it and it does affect your life in a negative way. Abortion hurts women ...

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Posted 12 Sep 2000.