Aborted Women: In Their Own Words

I want another chance

by T. T.

At 15 I aborted my child. Under my mother's hand I did as I was told and killed my child.

I am now 22 years old. I still can not come to terms with what I have done. I hate myself for not running away, I hate my mother for making me, I hate the doctors and nurses for performing the procedure,and I hate ... no I envy anyone who can birth a child. Because I can no longer have a child: When I killed my baby I killed every part of me that could have a baby.

I can't have a real relationship because every month when I do not get pregnant I cry and I hate my boyfriend for not being able to give me child. I feel like I am less of a woman because I can not to the most natural thing to a woman: give life. I see my nieces and nephew and I cry because they look a little like me and I wonder if my baby looked like that.

I want my baby back. I want another chance. I want to feel life inside of me even though I know I do not deserve it.

I quit school because since I was 15 and I did what I did all can think about is having a baby. I feel sick when my boyfriend tells me he loves me and it doesn't matter that I can't have children because I do not love myself and I have not and will never forgive myself.

I hope any young girl who needs help and reads this, please do not end up like me. My soul, body, and mind are empty.

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Posted 12 Sep 2000.